A Hoe? Isn’t That A Garden Tool?

Howdy partners, welcome to another edition of my infamous blogs. Gosh I haven't blogged in a while. I Would like to say thank you to all those who have bought my book 'Lying Fully Clothed', I'm humbled at the amount of books that I have sold.

Anyway, enough of the preamble and foreplay, lets get stuck in, no coil.

A Hoe? Isn't That A Garden Tool?

Hey, why you keep calling women hoe? Why you call them my name?

In one breath many a man will call a woman stoosh if she is conservative with sex and in the same breath call her loose if she is liberal. Do you want the wagina or not? I guess it’s the same sexist ideologies which stem from the root of patriarchy that has men calling women hoes for wanting to copulate. I guess it all stems back to the primitive times when women were property, where a woman who was a virgin was seen as an asset. Women who held onto their chastity were often sold or in times of war held captive as booty. Why is it that women were held to being virgins in those times but men weren’t? What is the bride price all about? Why in so many cultures a man must pay a dowry if he wants to marry a man’s daughter? Was marriage all about exchange of woman for property? Was it all about investment and family alliance?

"I'll give 50 for her" "Sold, no refunds though bro."

So you and Girl A (Jane) have been talking on the phone for a week, meet up, go for a meal in Nandoes, you bring a cup with you to save money on the bottomless drink (recession and all that), you go to Mc d’s for milkshakes and then you drop her home. You meet up few days later, get your Picasso on and draw her to your house. You put on that same DVD you always watch when a lady comes around. You have a bit of banter, you give each other puppy eyes and then you move her thongs to the side and begin indulging in some coitus...

You and Girl B (Margaret) have been talking for 8 weeks, you’ve met up fourteen times and on the fifteenth occasion she finally lets Sheba out the bag. What makes you think that she is more credible a woman than Jane? What if Margaret just didn’t rate you? What’s to say if Margaret was getting the yam from Kunle? Do you not rate yourself as a man? If so, why would a woman not want to sleep with you? Are they not sexual creatures? Or is it only men who desire sex?

“She slept with me ‘too soon’”, whatever too soon means... Are you under the assumption that she has slept with everyman in that same space of time? And for you guys who have to wait months on end for sex and use that cooking oil, are you also under the impression that she has made every other man wait? Do you think if a woman bumped into Tyson Beckford, that she wouldn’t trip, slip, become clumsy, drop her draws on the floor and somehow find his tongue on her clit? 

What if you showed her something different? What if the ambience and setting you created was adverse to what every other douche bag had shown her? Can you rate yourself a piece? Do you think that same woman that fell for you quickly, fell for every other guy in the same time frame?

If women are hoes, then surely shouldn’t men be held to this same standard? Or is this label exclusively for women? Are we not the same men making these women hoes? Or are they sleeping with themselves? Is a good girl just a bad girl who hasn’t been caught?

I guess we’re living in a world where people are single minded and plagued with double standards. However ladies, if you intend to do it like a dude, please don’t complain when your price tag drops, word to Jessie J.

All Jokes aside, doesn't Jessie J slyly look like Andy Carrol?

Most men will forever call a woman who is liberal with sex, loose and then call her frigid if she is conservative... What is it that men actually want? Do they like the idea and concept which they hold women to in theory but not in practice? Do they meet the same criteria they hold women to?

I’m quite sure many a man doesn’t want to shack up with a woman who has been with every Tom, Kunle, Ranjit and Segun. And even as a woman surely it must be awkward waltzing into City Love and seeing a bag of man you’ve done the breaststroke with. I’ve stroked a few cats in my life... Only 23 though. And I don’t do one night stands, I’m the caring type, I always go back, customer service and all that.

Some will ask, what’s the appropriate amount of men a woman is allowed to have slept with if she’s 26? Now most men would more than likely say ten is the cut off point... Whereas most men who are on their job who are 26+ more than likely have slept with a hundred plus. I hear you screaming, a hundred plus? Well let me break down a little maths to you.

Let’s say the average dude started having sex at 16 (in this day and age I would say 14, I work with a pupil referral unit and girls as young as thirteen have condoms in their purse), starts going to under 18 raves, if he’s fly like a zipper he may acquire the humble sum of 3 numbers a month. Now out of those three, let’s say one is acting like Florence nightingale, the other gives him the wrong number but the third he manages to tell her he loves her and he gives her the worst two minutes of her life. Now that’s an average of one girl a month, there are twelve months in a year, which would mean on average he sleeps with twelve women a year, multiplied by how many years he’s been having sex for. Let’s say he is twenty six, that would be 12x10 (assuming he started having sex the age of 16) which brings us to the healthy number of 120. Yes he may have been in a relationship in this time but this is just a summation. Now this same guy who has slept with 120 women will more than likely turn his nose up against a woman who has slept with 15 men. That’s just life I guess. Might I add, I don’t fall into this category, I’ve only slept with 22 women.

Should women be held to the same standard as men? Should women be allowed to enjoy men’s rights? Is disparity in rights between men and women a good thing?

Is gender a social construct? I wonder.

Until us men and women accost patriarchy and these archaic gender roles and ideologies we will forever have unrealistic expectations.

So what is a hoe? I will leave that for you decide. However, as a woman you can’t play on the naivety card anymore, you’re not 16. And men can we really call women hoes if we’re not honest with them when it comes to what we want? Can we offer them the world and then give them an atlas once we’ve got the sex and then call them hoes?

Girl A: 26 slept with 4 men, farks Darren on the second date.

Girl B: 26 slept with 15 men, farks Darren on the 15^th date.

Who would you say was the ‘loose goose’? Who should he go for?

Don't forget 'Kg Tha Comedian' and myself have our comedy show 25.07.12  'Its Just Raw' @ Apt Bar click the link for more info >>> http://dearrob.co.uk/events.html 

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