Why You Never Got Her Number And Got Stuck At 1st Base.

Hey hey hey... be at peace ladies this one's about the lads. I thought I'd give you a break and address why some of these arm yanking morons don't get a chance to get the cat to dribble.

As you know I like to always give a brief history lesson, so lets jump in the time capsule and do a Michael J fox.


The Mating Instinct


Despite the personality cavity between men and women, the sex urge is plenteous to insure their coming together for the reproduction of the species. This intuition worked effectively long before mortals experienced much of what was later called love, deference, and marital loyalty. Mating is an innate propensity, and marriage is its evolutionary social reverberation.

Sex attraction and desire were not domineering passions in primitive peoples; back in the day a man would just bonk any and everything, beauty was not a factor, man simply took them for granted. The whole reproductive experience was gratis from imaginative embellishment.

The mating instinct is one of the domineering physical driving forces of human beings; it is the one elation which, in the pretense of individual fulfillment, effectively tricks selfish man into putting race welfare and augmenting high above individual ease and personal freedom from responsibility. The augmenting of the evolving human species is made certain by the presence of this racial mating impulse, an urge which is loosely called sex attraction. This great biologic urge becomes the impulse focal point for all sorts of combined instincts, emotions, and usages — physical, intellectual, moral, and social.

No human emotion or impulse, when uncurbed and overindulged, can produce so much harm and agony as this powerful sex urge. Intelligent acquiescence of this instinct to the regulations of society is the greatest test of the subsistence of any civilization. Self-control, more and more self-control, is the ever-increasing request of advancing mankind. Secrecy, insincerity, and hypocrisy may cover sex problems, but they do not provide solutions, nor do they advance ethics.


So now that I have broken down why we as men are even attracted to you women... Please show some consideration when we do chat you up... It is innate. Some of us men cannot help ourselves. It takes some of us a lot of courage to even approach you, let alone open our mouths and begin our 419 sales pitch.

So Dear.Rob Why Didnt I Get Her Deejits?


Raving scene

What is it with you gorillas and the yanking of left arms? What happens if you break it? You know they haven't got any rights...*Chortles*. All jokes aside, what is it with some of you guys and this yanking... If she wanted to talk to you she wouldn't be walking off but in saying that, some of you girls like to front like you've got no back (Britney Spears), so some men don't know whether you want us to be persistent or not.

Remember you are dealing with women here not men... Irrespective of how you greet your man, yank and pull them, their arms or not penises for you to be yanking... Grab your own if your horny (detty men). If you are not delicate with them you might end up tearing off their limbs and end up with the woman below.

As you can see she has no rights... I mean right arm and it appears that he was tired of her running her mouth so tore her legs off, asked for head to which she refused and then he decided to take it... Literally.

Humour aside this yanking of the arm is one thing women seriously hate... This will leave you getting air like the side of your head.

Please, please, please a dance is not a udder tucking relationship. Yhy are you hogging the cat for? Is it yours? This is one thing that women detest... How are you going to try and claim a girl after a dance? Chill out dawg, go an take a time out in the bathroom if need be. All that hovering around will get you nowhere fast. Most women like a man who is incognito. If you are too predictable you are no fun.

As silly as this may sound the fact that you were dancing with Jill, Katie and Laquisha is enough to put a woman off. As much as a dance is not a relationship, if she catches a whiff of you grinding some next gal...You can forgerrits. She can claim the dick but you cannot claim the fanjita.

As stupid as this one may seem, in a club some women expect you to be persistent which I will never understand. I have spoken to many a girl in a club, to whom I knew were feeling the kid (no gary glitter) but felt the need to act up like they were on set, so I left them where they stood and then hours later they came to find me asking "Why i walked off?". I walked off because you was acting up and then wait for it *drum rolls*..."You should have been more persistent"... Huh WTF? More persistent? So that while I am talking to you the song below is running through your head.

See this is the problem, some of us guys don't know what to do. If we show we really like you we get labelled a bug a boo...so 'a waddi batticrease' do you want us to do? :(

Another reason why you may not have got her number in the club is because you look boring as fark (there are exceptions to the rule but this doesn't disprove the rule)... Yes it has been sung and said that girls just want to have fun.

Having been on both sides of the fence, as in being so broke that I couldn't even afford to cash in a reality check and now working for myself and can tell you that if you look boring and broke as fark it can in 99.9% of cases, render you numberless.

Truth is, it's the boring guy in the corner of the club sipping lemonade through a straw wearing church shoes that you ladies need to look at but you wont. Just remember nerdy Clark Kent was Superman.

Yes I used to get numbers however it was a fight and struggle. You are the marketing force that drives your campaign and when the manikin in the window doesn't look enticing nobody wants to know how much that doggy in the window costs.

Clubs are dark and daunting as it is, so if you favour Mark Morrison you can't be approaching girls from the back, your ugliness might lead them into cardiac arrest... You have to subtly ease your ugliness on them. If not incidences like the one below may occur.

As you can see she is about to throw up her juices... No Chris Brown.

One has to read body language and eye contact. If a girl isn't showing you any signs or signals more time she isn't interested but in saying that, she may just be shy however I think it's safe to say the girl above isn't shy.

Another thing which annoys me, but hey is a reason why you never got her number is this witchcraft some women like to play which is 'I saw him 1st'. Yes brother if a females friend saw you 1st she may try and claim you for herself, irrespective of the fact that you may think she favours shrek with long hair, because she saw you 1st, you are out of bounds. Stupid I know.

As farked up as this may sound and I hate to say this, the fact you never bought her a drink could be the reason why you never got her number. Yes, you read right. It seems like buying some of them a drink is the prerequisite to getting their number. I have heard some girls say "He asked for my number and didn't even have the decency to buy me a drink" *coughs* prostitutes *coughs*. Apologies, got something stuck in me throat and that's my pride... I find it hard to swallow at sometimes.

Another thing women hate is 'Batman and Robin' syndrome, you do not need to follow a girl all over the club... Eh Eh, is it by force that she must see you everywhere she goes, 'wetin deh for you now?

A woman does not want to feel claustrophobic and even if she has given you her number it is not merit to begin playing Inspector gadget the whole night, ease off dawg.

The fact that you were highly intoxicated on alcohol is another thing that a lot of women have told me that is off putting. Take time with your drink. Not many women are going to be happy with you talking crazy, like your jaws broke, sounding like Rocky 3.

One hurdle a lot of you crash at is by asking a woman what she is doing later. As innocent as this may sound, it can imply that you are asking to see her after the rave. If she is not that way inclined, like a girl with no bum and no breast, it will be an instant turn off.

You can't be too eager for the cat, it will put a woman off and secondly it could show that you are not used to getting women like her, you don't want her thinking she is doing you a favour. Don't forget the 3 c's: cool, calm and collected but ladies don't play hard to get and then complain when a man plays with you, gets hard and then gets.

Getting a woman's number in a club isn't the easiest thing to do, as so many women are opposed to it. You have to be a very good salesmen to be able to convert a cold lead into a sale, consider it cold calling.

Help yourselves, keep away from the arm yanking, they hate it, they really do.

Out And About

What the fark is pssssssssssssssssssssst? Are you calling an animal or a dog? 'What is the meaning'? What kind of girl would respond to a whistle? But in saying that some of you girls do. If women didn't, men wouldn't do it. It's really hard writing this blog as some of you girls let down the rest of the team with the things you accept. 
The fact that you can see her with her child, isn't this enough reason for you to leave her alone? The vast majority of women do not want to be chatted up whilst they are with their children, they categorically do not.

Hollering at a woman from your car like she is bush meat is not going to help your plight. Park up and approach if need be. As tedious as it sounds, tooting and hooting after her isn't going to get you anywhere but once again unfortunately some women accept this, however the vast majority do not.

In saying the above if you have a car like the one on the video below you do not need to say a udder tucking thing, you can tell her exactly what the chorus says.

Shouting at a woman like you're in east street market selling cashew nuts isn't going to get you anywhere... A bit of decorum is needed. Talk to them like they are ladies, no matter how short their dress is, no matter how much cleavage they are showing, even if they are loitering on the street corner looking like women of the night, still talk with manners, they may not be a prostitute.

At University, Work And The Gym.

I will briefly address these places. One thing you need to learn is that there is no rush. If a woman you fancy goes to either of these places, take your time like you're robbing yourself. Build up a rapport with her 1st and then go for the kill.

If in the gym and a woman is on the treadmill with her headphones on., she does not want to talk to anyone, she is clearly there to train. You're going to have to catch her slipping in the steam room and if you've got a body like mine you wont need to talk over the beat to know its a wrap.

In the working environment it is very tricky, some women do not want to mix pleasure with business, due to the fact that if ish goes titties up, they still have to bump into your ass everyday. Also they don't want there name being the gossip of the office.

With any institution where you will be seeing a woman all the time, fall right back like Paul Parker and take it easy. Acting desperate like dry throat wont help your plight.

So You Got Her Number... Why Did You Get Stuck At 1st Base?

You really want to know why some of you dudes get stuck at 1st base? It's because you act like Bishes... Yes i said it, bishes. Acting all bloodyclart needy. Why the hell are you peppering a woman's phone straight after getting her number? You called, text'd, pinged, poked her, facebook in boxed her, dm'd her on twitter. WTF? Get out of her hair already. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooozas... Some of you guys aren't easy. 

As I have said most women like a man who has an element of surprise to him. If you're too available you will be dumped in the friends box. Showing a woman you are bang on it, is not going to help your plight. Like Ghanaian bum bums,back off. Allow her to think of you, allow her to miss you a little, all that eagerness isn't going to get you anywhere with 99.9% of women.

Yes she liked you but you just wouldn't give her space to breath, got her feeling like shes trapped in a closet.

Most women do not like men who suck up to them, unless you are eating from the two footed table to which they can leave your mouth looking like a glazed ring doughnut. Sucking up to a woman is not going to get you any where, it is corny. Keep barking up the wrong tree and the birds will soon shit on your head. Allow me to let late 2pac explain something to you...never a truer word said...watch the clip below.

Being too nice to a girl in most cases will render you being that cool guy, That friend. That guy that she refers to her friends as nice. The guy her friends say she likes but she brushes it off. Being toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice will leave you stuck at 1st base. I am not saying you must punch a girl in the trachea but you following her shopping week in week out will leave you at 1st base.

You cant be too available for a woman, in most cases you need to be inconspicuous. It's a shame we have to play these games but being a stand up guy doesn't always work in 9/10 situations.

If she has a facebook, clicking like on all her pictures and writing corny shit on them will not get you any closer to the cat, it will not. All you're going to end up doing is getting the cat stuck up the tree. As the late 2pac said "you cant be too nice"...its a shame really but hey, bobs your uncle and Bola's your aunt and long grain is better than basmati.

Another thing that may have held you in your tracks, was your mutual friends. Yes some girls do check what mutual friends you have and if she has done the dirty with one or two of them she will keep it a hush and do a casper on your ass. Also if you have slept with one of her friends that may also deter her. So the trick is to get on to facebook before she does and delete whatever mofo you think may have tap that ass. If you see that I am a mutual friend it is in your best interest to delete me. 

How Are You Marketing Yourself?

As stated earlier you are the marketing force that drives your campaign... Shit attracts flies. If a woman is of a particular class and it looks like you played truant all your life, she will leave you stuck at 1st base but in saying that some women like salvage guys... Cat c guys they can do up, so there are exceptions to this.

Your hygiene, this is one thing that will automatically put a woman off. Smelling of B.O.K.O is not going to help you. For you guys that do not know, cologne is not anti-perspirant,it is not. If you are not Sure what the Right guard is for your pits, ask.

Bad breath, no girl wants to talk to a guy who has hot wet Alsatian breath, no matter how segsee you are she will  not overlook this. I blame your friends to be fair, if I have a whiff that my friend might be suffering from halitosis I will tell him.

Being too cocky, this can work against you in a major way. If a woman has her own and you try to push out your chest she may think, what an asshole? One has to find a balance. Using the material to try an impress doesn't always go down well like Semen, I mean Seaman *honest typo*. Get your mind out the gutter I am referring to David Seaman, the goal keeper who has to go down when saving balls... What is this world coming to?

The way you dress. There is this word that has been thrown around a lot called swag. You need to know how to dress. Two things that will gain a man points is his dress sense and the fact he can dance. The way you present yourself is crucial, wearing skinny jeans and a pair of gladiators in most cases will leave you at 1st base. There is being in touch with your feminine side and there is just plain woman. As much as women want a man to be in touch with his feminine side, some still want a man to look like a man.

Talking about your ex is a no no. No woman wants to hear you banging on about your ex. Leave the past where it belongs in the past, the present is a gift so grab it and make the best of it.

Being a bum doesn't help either, I can't even say all but most women like a constructive man, so the fact you just doss around all day isn't going to get you any closer to the cat.

Needless to say being a man hoe can put a woman off . Some girls do background checks as well, if it doesn't come back crystal... She will clear off in most cases.

In summary

As we are aware women are different, very, in fact extremely. As a man you cant be too full on in your approach. You have to show composure if not you will forever be a Heskey. That guy that tries to do to much and ends up confusing himself.

Oh poor Emile heskey, this is what happens when you try to do too much.

As I have stressed already, sucking up to a woman (unless on all fours) will get you know where, it wont. Showering her with compliments after a while becomes corny, learn to give them in rations.

Acting too eager will imply that you are not used to her calibre of woman and you may become overbearing, play it cool like A/c's... No 419.

If you're looking for a woman to complete you... you've missed the whole point.


Follow me on twitter @dearrobtv, Caio.

Why Wont He Make Me Wifey? I'm Tired Of This Shet.

Hey, hey... It's your favourite ranter... Dear.Robbo. How art thou doing?

Just a quick shout out to the guys who tell girls they want to be in a relationship just to stroke the cat... That isn't game, that's lame.


Now lets get the knife and fork out and dissect exactly what it is that triggers that signal to the putamen that makes a man say " Yep that's wifey" or nope "That's one nighty" but before I do this let me just break down what it was that made a man want to settle down in the 1st place.


Brief history lesson


The home is simply a sociological establishment. Marriage stems out of compliance in self-maintenance and affiliation in self-perpetuation, the aspect of self-gratification being largely incidental. Howbeit, the home does encircle all three of the fundamental functions of human existence, while life propagation makes it the fundamental human institution, and sex sets it off from all other social activities.

Marriage wasn't  established on sex relations; they were adventitious thereto. Marriage was not needed by primitive man, who gratified his sexual appetite freely without burdening himself with the responsibilities of wife, children, and home.

Woman, due to physical and emotional attachment to her offspring, is reliant on co-operation with the male, and this drives her into the sheltering protection of marriage. No direct biologic stimulus led man into marriage — much less held him in. It wasn't love that made marriage attractive to man, but food hunger which first allured savage man to woman and the primitive shelter shared by her children. <<<<<<< take note with that last statement it is very crucial...very.

SO What Is It Dear.Rob That Makes A Man Think She Isn't Ms Right But Ms  Right Now?

I will start by saying 99.9% of the time a man knows whether he intends to take you seriously or whether you are going to be a link... Its not a fluke that you were just kept hanging around like a pair of double f's with no bra for months on end. He had no intention of making you wife. As I have said before men are not indecisive by nature. If you're seeing a man for more than 3 months and he is uhmmmming and arrrrghhiiinnnng in most circumstances you are going to be a link.

If he is dedicating time to you in that 3 months and the time you spend together is intense. It is enough time in most circumstances for him to determine what he wants to do with you.

A woman who can keep a home and can cook will always be a keep-her. The way to a mans heart is in his belly, the sex is not enough. When a man has a woman who can sex good but the food is wacko and the house is not a home, please be aware that he may have a side chick a.k.a sweetcorn who is filling the gap, hence why he wasn't hungry.

Women Who Rave A Lot.

This for many men is a huge turn off... Very huge turn off. A woman who is on the scene  who is 'every bodies' friend in most cases will never be taken serious ( obviously there are exceptions to the rule but that does not disprove the rule).

Don't even make me start with this foolish song..." Ladies leave your man at home the club is full of ballers"... What kind of hoeish lyrics is she spewing? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

No man wants a woman who raves all the time, no man wants a commercial chick. This is one thing that is rendering you nothing more than a beat. When you're that girl that is in every photographer's album, like mercy from eastenders it is not a good look. In saying that, doesn't Mercy with her coloured weave remind you of Mufasa (apologies for digressing).

A woman who raves a lot is an instant no no. This will automatically put you in the friends box, don't worry feel free to network in there; you aren't alone.

The Way She Markets Herself

You are the marketing force that drives your campaign. Dressing like a woman of the night in most cases will leave you with what is known as oyster card syndrome... Touch and go. The way you dress is so important, so important and it seems like a lot of you woman haven't grasped this. The manner in which some of you dress when going out is SHOCKING, seriously shocking.

Now this girl will not be made wifey, he is just going to do uninsured driver on her, and hit and run. Please don't sit there shaking your head, the vast majority of you dress like this and if you don't, your friend does.
You don't need to expose your whole body to be sexy. A bit of decorum is oh so needed. A man looking at her is thinking one thing...SEX SEX SEX. He is not thinking wifey.

Now the above picture shows four girls just standing around with their bits out (yes there are few men out there that will make them wifey but an exception to the rule does not disprove it). The moment a man of any caliber sees this, he will spit his coffee all over his laptop screen. A lot of you girls take pictures of yourselves in your underwear and then post them on face book. These sorts of things are nothing short of a cry for sexual admiration. You put the pics up and then you get the swines clicking like on them and making stupid asinine comments. In most cases these girls never have as many comments on their pics when they are fully clothed... What a shame? Like arsenals season.

Her Character


This here is so crucial. I asked a few of the lads what was the deciding factor in what made you want to settle with your missus and here are a few of the statements they made:

" In the time I was wooing her, trying to get the ass, I got to know her and realised she kept me smiling". Highlighting word 'kept me smiling'. Some of you girls are just miserable sods. I keep telling women the longer you stay in a broken relationship the worse you make it for you and your new partner.

A woman with a cheerful disposition will always be wanted around. A women who's face looks like it was baptised in lime juice will not.

Another quote "She was thoughtful, helpful and had initiative". I have to applaud that, both my exes had the exact same qualities.

Thoughtful and helpful...a woman who actually wants to help. That doesn't have to be coerced or cajoled. You're on the phone to a man and he says he might go to Birmingham tomorrow but doesn't know the train times. A thoughtful, helpful woman with initiative will put on the laptop and find out times and where he can get the train from. I don't think you understand how much points you get for that. When a man and woman can work in unison there is no greater partnership, none.

Your demeanor is so crucial, being a pleasant woman will get you far with a man. One thing you lovely ladies need to understand is that it's not everything you need to argue about. A nagging woman will not make wifey, she will not. I left home 6 years plus i don't need a woman nagging me, thank you very much amen please. He left the toiler seat up, " So , there a kids dying in 3rd world countries, next argument please ". Just put the seat down, it's not that big a deal.

A man wants a woman he can feel free around, a woman he can chill with. It is imperative that there is a common interest between the two of you.

In the clip it is apparent that Taye diggs and Nia long shared a common interest.

If the man you are interested in likes football, go and read up about it. It shows you care, you will gain 10000000000000000000000 ( sorry got carried away with the 0's) points by simply understanding the offside rule and knowing what is going on in the football world.

If the man you are interested in likes computer games the simple fact that you and him play together forms a common interest.

If all you two have in common is sex, then sex is what it will be. A common interest between the two of you is crucial. Most men are sleeping with more than one woman, not saying it is a competition but you need to stick out like nipples on a cold day.

One of my exes I met in the gym, so we used to go to the gym together and that was our common ground. So we would train together.

I knew from the get go I wanted her to be my girl but what sealed the deal was the fact she didn't mind coming out with me when I was sourcing cars, that meant a lot to me.


Credit Checks

It's at this hurdle I would say 70% of you fail as to why you don't reach wifey status. London is a very small place. You can't get away with shit. If you have been a slag in your past, it will creep up on you. When a man wants to take a girl serious he will run his HPI.

He wants to make sure you are not on finance, ensure your mileage hasn't been tampered and verify that you haven't been written off. It's a shame really because it's us guys who make woman slags, coupled with some women's naivety.
I keep telling girls who like to have sex that the travelcard extends past zone 4. Travel off ends. You can't keep sleeping with guys in the same camp, you cant. News spreads. As much as you are a good sport, you wont make wifey (but hey they are exceptions to the rule but this does not disprove the rule).

If a man asks you how many men you have slept with, please if it is over ten, lie lie lie, lie like your mattress depends on it. Even if he has told you that he has slept with 85, please do not think that gives you right to tell him 14. You will be handed your p 60 noicely. I implore you, muda tuckking lie.

Nobody wants to think of your previous notches and then envisage the whole of the arsenal football team, it's not a good look.

Suicidal Moves On Social Networks And Extra Curricular Activities.


The kind of things some you girls say on social networks is enough to call you IQBAL (suicide bombers), even if you were drunk., why do you fell the need to tell the whole of twitter? It is not something commendable in a mans eyes. No man is going to want his missus to be coming home smashed out of her head. If my missus came home drunk, I will lock her in the toilet, she can sleep in there. As far as I am concerned, it is not lady like. These things will keep you as a link.

Posting stupid videos and pictures of yourself on the Internet. It is not needed, as much as you may see it as fun, it is suicidal. Below is a video clip of some girl prancing around wiggling her butt. This kind of girl my mum will never see.

Only G-d knows why women do this and then complain they cant find a good man. Shit attracts flies.

I was seeing a girl a year back. This girl was hot, blah blah blah then she disclosed to me that she does music videos. I then saw a calendar she was in. I said "hell to the mf no" to that. So one day I will go to my mates house and see him bashing with the lotion over a pic of my chick. G-d forbid bad ting. I handed her, her p45...damn  she was good to me *reminisces*.

Many a woman have blurted their business over social networks, it's not a good look. Look at exhibit A:

You see, suicidal, just ruined her career, double studded tackled herself.

In closing

Each and every man will have his little tick list of things he refuses to accept in a woman. For some it's women with weave. So that man will sleep with her, yes he will but she will never be Ms Right she will be Ms Right Now. Don't for one second think that a man sleeping with you means he likes you. You will be pleasantly embarrassed.

For some men it's kids. some men refuse to date women with kids so that could be his gripe.

The fact that you move with loose gooses is another reason why he may say hell no. I cant take you serious.

The fact that you are broke could be another reason. And not be showing a drive to get out of that situation.

If you are not bringing anything to the table you will not eat.

When I was on my face back in 05, I left girls the hell alone.

The ultimate killer could be the simple fact that you know to much road man. This here is an instant turn off. Going through your pics and seeing you with 'killermanwithoneshotifimissstabhim' is not going to get you any points, it is not. Take those pictures down. The social network has ruined it for a lot of you girls.

As stated earlier your character is crucial. With any man you are dating, you have to find a common ground so one can put a vocal to the track and make a beautiful ensemble. If not you will be nothing more than a beat.

You lovely ladies have to learn to give things in rations. You cant be cooking, cleaning, polishing the tv and him, bringing him lunch as a link. If you are doing all of that as link, why should he upgrade you? Show him you can cook and then *pause*. Show him you can suck a mean dick and then *pause*. Show him the levels and then halt. Some of you are doing way too much. Show him the levels and then let him know if he wants more of this, he knows what he needs to do.

Needless to say if your sex is wack. You will never make wifey. In fact these girls get lost like a set of keys in the abyss...but hey G-d is good and Chambord it twasty. Most men cant go back sexually and most women cant go back financially, it's just what it is.

If you're looking for a man to complete you...You've missed the whole point.